Tag Archives: consciousness

dit moi

what are you afraid of darling?

don’t burn them bridges,

ignite yourself instead,

with the fire that you tried to cover.

can’t help that i’m so extreme.

swinging from one end to another,

i suddenly remember, such different days,

where i wore my heart on my sleeves,

and said, i love you, drenched and anxious.

letters of open hearts, led one to a foreign land.

parallel universes exist, but we’re meant to be,

exactly where we are standing right now.

right here, right on this spot that we’re occupying.

for there wouldn’t have been a field across the pond,

where we kissed those innocent days goodbye –

in frocks and words, surrounded by your guitar chords.

a new dawn came after those balmy summer nights.

stability calls for a shelter, the timing was perfect.

but did you start to feel trapped, by digging your own hole.

it went deeper and deeper, until we lost sight of the surface.

the pipes broke and all hell went loose –

concentrated energies targeted at the creation of a portal.

as the air got sucked in, one breath was left for seduction.

a slow and unexpected one, every single bit delicious.

and you were starting to think, this is part of growing up.

brother, this valuable lesson has taught me how to love myself.

miss independence entered the room, sparkles and dandy.

to give was the shot of the era, until he who had more to give arrived.

good fortune followed, but something was missing.

lack of commitment, lack of seriousness.

perhaps it’s for the best.

but then a tall glass of tenderly affection poured itself.

the melted ice are still hanging, while kindred spirits roam free.

 

parallel universes exist, but we’re meant to be,

exactly where we are standing right now.

right here, right on this spot that we’re occupying.

for there wouldn’t be a bright flickering light,

whispering “love is within you. always been there”.

 

dit moi, aren’t we blessed to be free?

 

attention deficit disorder

so what if i smoke a little more than i should.

so what if i drink a bottle of prosecco and sing a little louder than i should.

so what if i jump around at 4am and be a little more disturbing than i should.

so what if i read a novel instead of these texts that i’m supposed to.

so what if i walk around without shoes and step on a little more dirt than i should.

so what if i stare at strangers and act a little more capricious than i should.

so what if i laugh and make fun of myself a little more than others would.

so what if i compliment a little more, complain a little less,

cry on my own, kick around, run around, poke around,

in circles, without a plan, a little out of control,

and popping it here and there, than i really, really should.

so what if i’m silent, detached, living in the clouds.

so what if i’m obnoxious, touchy-feely, demanding and pounding.

so what if i disappear, then reappear when you need me,

when you can’t see a way out, can’t find an answer.

let the answers drift. let the questions flow.

let your tears tell you what you really want.

let your smiles tell you you’re blessed.

let your fears urge you to try.

let your miles prove them wrong.

 

so what if i put things off only to find that when i come back to them,

i have a renewed sense of purpose and a pair of rainbow goggles.

walk away your doubts, cast away that wilson.

let them be free.

let them have space to roam and wander.

let them run into walls and fall on the ground.

let them, simply let them go.

 

you held my gaze upon that first entrance.

you are in my every breath, every step i turn.

you are in my heart.

and you know this.

 

i care. i want to care.

i want to give more cares and fucks.

this body we occupy, this mind that comes alive,

are you conscious of your being?

are you conscious of the energies around you?

are you conscious of how transient our passing on this face of earth,

and scrumptious that scone is?

do you have attention deficit disorder?

good.

provoke them.

 

these structures draw our contours, and yours is looking fine.

i want to kiss your lips, blow a smoke ring to encapsulate your figure.

hop through it, you are fine.

you are more than fine.

 

oh hey there

how our tastes have changed. childhood sweethearts, basketball, hot sweaty afternoons. your feet on mine, we drew on swimming pool tiles. teenagedom engulfed us, all these nights we spent dancing, grinding, adrinkin’, led us to a field where flowers bloomed. crashing cars, winks and clinks, hormones aragin’. you held my gaze, touched my heart. first break, first loss. amended and strong again, crossed the world and landed in the city of lights. good times as we rolled by the northern towns, abercrombie and fitch goodness. so young, so innocent. as we basked in the sun on our picnic blanket, drinking that bottle of french wine, stroking and smiling, woke up to find a dream of a summer. all these hungry minds, longing to make a difference. you taught me twain, you taught me strings. sparks of inspiration, strayed across the line. when you returned, innocence got caught and released. kiss. kiss. more kiss. we left this continent. but i found a buzz, holding my hand, sleeping next to me on rainy weekends. another bridge awaited us, except it got burned. lost and confused, travels renewed spirits. chicken soup for the soul appeared, too much chemistry between us. waterfalling and eurotripping, new discoveries of the body were made. as sensuality peaked, fortune arrived. a season of the orient, full of substance. yet time didn’t buy us more time, and another era rang us. through the hazy smoke, we found each other. we created a magical space. then the vodka fueled nights followed, one slow year. wait – is it now? older passerby’s, younger distractions, so much attraction boiling within us. the days of youth beckon, ushering another age of experiments. energy splurging out of this pot, once again, i embark on brand new adventures. doing it like it’s 2011, when the pages were blank, and endless flow of ink to write these stories. to have a ball. and ultimately, to rediscover our sexuality. through these sparkling eyes. through our malleable reality.

 

oh hey there.

 

beat

i walk, you walk, we walk.

your vibration sliding past mine,

from caged seats to running dogs.

traveling is a state of mind.

living is a state of mind.

privileged as fuck.

safety net beneath our soiled feet.

what is left?

 

*

 

butterfly.

fluttering.

crouch.

pounce.

tears relieve us from the harsh climate.

wash away our perceived sins.

clear blue sky awaits us once again.

 

these absurd dreams haunt and chase.

palette of rainbows splurged across the case,

melting away in the humid air.

abandonment, leave me alone.

these little fear flies eat you away.

rot me not, for i will love.

with honesty.

generosity.

kindness.

and compassion.

 

caution is not my strongest suit,

frivolity flares up from time to time.

fallen from grace, was it meant to be?

ephemerally blissful, our only moment is now.

reality composed of nows,

nostalgic melancholia shadowing quiet moments.

tonight i would like to sleep.

 

sleep.

and dream of our sweet scents.

trailing behind tracks covered with snow,

and smokes wafting by the platform.

 

suspended in time?

[part 2 continues]

*

laying down the dough,

slice by slice,

in perfect geometrical dimensions,

revealing the order amidst this chaos.

i’ve made my peace, ease, peas.

my waking life, travels through osmosis,

and returns to the dream world.

 

///

 

as we were coming up, into a galaxy of metro stations,

trains passing by, the adverts look like bursts of stars,

traveling at this speed seemed like the way of the future.

 

time.

colliding worlds.

 

we all have compulsive habits.

in the midst of spinning a web for the good life,

i lost touch with the mundane.

did you hear about that girl, who was so concerned with,

her narratives,

that she died,

in a moment of exaltation.

who is she?

why, of course, she has a name!

margarita she goes by.

in fact, the devil lies in the details.

 

catching oneself in interwoven plots,

albeit always slightly detached from direct involvement.

there’s always an eject button,

catapulting out of heavy compression,

and onwards to the next storyline.

 

but we caught glimpses of all these wondrous worlds.

variety is the spice of life, they say.

when the splash of extraordinary stops,

squirt the ordinary cum,

our central nervous system is unable to handle the shock.

 

*

 

i miss our verbose sittings,

under starry nights,

the clinks and clunks,

human forms shaped strangely around us.

the musical notes hitting a right key,

unlocking all of our frustrations,

amusements, ponderings about our banal existence.

when we goats purr,

the gloating cats listen.

 

in the queue, your lunchbox approached mine.

the ladders to passing clouds,

serbian mothers and twirling in heels.

football match paved the way to an explosive night by the canals,

where we found ourselves on a roof,

watching the sunrise,

before we carved infinity.

a dash of surrealism along with your coffee,

isn’t it nice?

don’t you remember how we cheered at the free-spirited,

and jeered at the locked up cage of repressed castrates.

 

pluck out the thorns of imbued memory,

smoothing the cover,

only to reveal a pandora box of profane interactions.

somehow the discolored version,

the tainted destruction,

cries for attention.

to be remembered.

 

but you sensed the poetry.

on our walk along the seine,

gaze upon the notre dame.

watered down cocktails of our augmented night,

a little detour to 2 stops away from chatelet.

and next, outside of chancery lane tube station we stand,

everything feels lucid and real.

the job you’ve given me, the confidence.

my lack of gratitude only compelled you to chase with a fervent desire.

hélas,

know that,

i am honest.

i am thankful.

 

skip those months, we arrive at a post-parov-stelar gig,

by the fountains surrounded by lions,

on a bench that initiated the year.

did we begin our journey then?

stranger, look within yourself.

i will always be here for you.

 

*

 

repel the baser instincts, they advised.

but how could i?

they are such a relish, radish.

let the pungent army attack your inner senses.

maybe then we will be awaken.

to this reality that we often deny.

 

steamy forbidden fruits.

timing is everything.

our intentions dug our graves,

for us to jump in without second thoughts.

and for what?

in search of the sense of being,

essence of living,

alive, lit up,

so the devils could pick up our bones trailing behind.

 

wait, refusal. resisting the last bite.
X desires to kiss. to make contact.

in its infinite search for the perfect home,

lies its greatest paradox.

never to find anything appropriate,

as curiosity likes to delve into yet another sphere,

when one has been sought out.

or so it convinces itself.

everything is already an anti-thesis from the beginning.

the longing to return to 0,

but 1, 1, 1, just cannot stop poking around,

to see what’s behind, in front, above, beneath,

exactly where it stands.

 

///

 

why should we stop experimenting?

 

those who have an excessive love of life,

lives Her intense days and nights,

crash and burn before the mortals flee to oblivion.

 

margarita, save the day.