Tag Archives: personal growth

ein jahr

365 days, 365 steps.

smashingly candid, foraging for candies.

words don’t mean anything,

when we relive the euphoria.

as we take to the streets, they chase us down.

but they will not beat us down.

we have youth in our blood,

we float high on cloud nine.

bohemianly dressed, they captured us.

in pictures. in frames.

in moments.

 

we poured our love in caskets,

ammunitions waited alongside.

but it started to rain –

and we no longer needed to fire away.

stretched into its final chapter,

we clung on to our bus seats, stuck with headphones,

unwilling to unplug.

a city of spy cakes, rickety waiters and sarcastic undertones,

echoed a ricochet of applause.

for we fell utterly in love with its complexity.

 

i miss you. i dig you, you on the other side.

simultaneously desiring to return.

upon your gaze.

and be lavished with some central european love.

 

*

 

this is dedicated to those who were there.

who witnessed a bygone era.

a dream.

 

happiness americana

revved up engine.

on the road once again.

baked beans in mouth, gates opened and ski trip kids ran.

fat boy slim talks of farm business, everybody’s sleeping on their own headrests.

along came the conductor, pouring his passionate heart out,

about his garden, his bourbon and his throttle.

friendly faces appeared, chilli dog was ordered along with raging bitches.

saved by the wind, markets apassin’, we were jumpin’.

navigating through the world’s narrowest bookshop to capitol hill wanderings.

georgetown welcomed us with open arms, everyone wearing runners.

the long weekend took them home then took us to a real maryland home.

food brought upon the table, we speak of our hometown.

reminiscence of bygone days seemed to be our past time.

hidden lounges swooped us away for a quick second,

rolling and dancing to the brits, salute!

the sahara noticed us sparkling marbles, exchanges were greeted amicably.

and now, the trains pulled into the station,

awaiting us to board the mothership.

oh yes, darling, you’re too pretty to smoke.

oh no, boy, one minute left.

get up to your seat.

yay man. yemen.

little buns and hooded jackets were treasured,

as i recount the story of my sahlab,

before dozing off to camus…

 

*

 

time to head to the dining cart.

sierra nevada clinks, 8 o’clock dinner.

steak and fine conversations, we closed down the premise of neighbourliness.

as we moved to the next cart, whisky in hand,

your body moving close to mine,

we caught a glimpse of something divine.

smoke stop at pitts, listening to the melody of infinite moment,

let’s not ruin it by snapping it.

goodbye for now, chicago awaits.

sisters reunited, down for a tour around this concrete jungle.

lights and jazz, belmont and speakeasy,

coconut latte with cardamom and rose water,

piers and snowflakes, intertwined with each other.

oh, didn’t we have a blast roaming around this city.

bilbao meets borneo, we jumped onto this bus,

going somewhere, going anywhere.

chinatowns and subway lines, musicians busking their talents.

pay some attention, citizens of gotham.

the jewels spread on these dirty floors, nobody bothered.

pick one up and marvel.

marvel.

at the winsomeness.

at the harmonious structure.

amidst the chaos.

 

*

 

hold the phone, this chapter ain’t over.

moma invited us for a strange japanese film,

new york times buddies caught up in midtown.

along with smiles and hot dogs,

rooftop bars and authentic ramen.

brooklyn felt generous and an attic comforted us.

delicious affairs, sunny days encapsulated our essence,

writers hang out in bars, unfold this red carpet.

for us to spread sunflowers, lobsters and green fairies.

hell’s kitchen rhythms, the kgb located us.

smokes went up into thin air, pounding on the table,

fries and ceviche, new friends to be made.

after a day of strolling, it’s time to be back on the other side.

these sights are so blissful, how i wish to stay.

empty flight, polish girl sleeping behind me.

and i couldn’t help but wonder,

what is life, if not a fantasy?

 

*

 

what are you looking for?

those rare moments of inspiration. infinite moment.

did we make a wish when we saw the shooting stars?

aren’t these moments priceless?

you and i, laughing, crying,

every single human emotion jumbled into one.

one big fat joke.

a joke, a real joke, touches you deep down.

and if we’re lucky enough to be humorous,

well then… we’ve won the jackpot.

 

at the end of the day, we’re all a little dysfunctional.

love someone’s flaws.

see the beauty in their blatant ugliness.

do not feel dampened when you’re not understood.

strive to understand instead.

 

as my cabbie said, only your perception matters.

verdad.

 

after all

may days drawing to an end,

your hands figure skating on my lower back,

when did it all start anyway.

perhaps it was in those equatorial pools where we left our skidmarks,

perhaps it was the graceful blue kiss imprinted on our retinas,

perhaps it was was the jars where we collected our strange memories,

perhaps it was the long burnt letters of unrequited adoration,

and perhaps it was really, on the basketball court where the quest for love began.

we were so young and innocent, running through rainforests in the pouring rain,

laughing and making faces,

who cared about the next chapter then.

but life goes on, childhood sweethearts revisited at a later stage.

critical decisions made, where the planes flew over the pacific,

and landed in a land of lushness, where the paradigm initiates its first shift.

 

*

 

lanes winding down to moments where we keep in our hearts,

we rode high on waves of kitts camps and polar bear dips,

green fairies above our heads,

accented by your fingers and tongues.

across the atlantic pond,

after a year of rebellion,

we found out that we owned the world.

that is the price of youth,

why did we rush, why oh why.

as if we could not wait till the tickling clock to strike 1:08.

fools were thought to be geniuses, these bottles of wine slowly aged its way to more sophistication.

or so we thought.

did someone say, europe? goddess of the glorious past.

we stopped chewing bubblegums and embarked on something rather grander.

affirmed after the guitar strumming nights and huckleberry finn,

how supportive of youth america became.

somehow, you and i did not think that was it.

what is of it? what is it?

 

*

 

paris, october 2009

m: let’s go to the cinema.

e: i can’t move.

m: stay put. i’ll be back.

 

donned your fedora and out we go. strolling through these cobblestoned streets, i stuffed my face with banana and nutella crepes. i saw harvard on champs elysee, one can’t forget that moroccan face. on pont neuf, they sang our songs. but cafe de flore taught us that in such banal instances, we pause. looking down at the river seine, do you dare to jump? i sat in the theatre for eternity, listening to a foreign language. madame, s’il vouuuuus plait. non, je comprende. je comprende tout.

 

*

 

collections of plots, characters and novel ideas,

we’re really just hopeless romantics after all.

the absurdity of life we revel in, 1984 put on hold please.

this energy needs to be released, nobody is destined for greatness.

our existence is quite selfish.

fatalistic you say? i beg to differ.

an ex believer in selflessness, how plotless would your story be.

learn to flow with the deviations, as long as you stay true.

we tried and we forget.

we run after some kind of fantasy, only to find that we are alone.

but hey, it ain’t so bad. not at all.

benevolence is ubiquitous, we show the way for ourselves.

light the path to our nucleus, breathing with such a surreal flame.

maybe the time isn’t right, but when it comes, we will know.

i am patient.

 

rushmore bliss.

come back to me.

and never leave me.

 

*

 

exactly this time two years ago, we lounged in our turkish tents,

on some godforsaken beach in the middle of nowhere,

twinkling skies formed our wallpaper.

exactly this time a year ago, we hiked up an abandoned abkhaz parliament building,

in some godforsaken town in the middle of nowhere,

twinkling skies formed our wallpaper.

so where are we really? do we keep replaying the same song,

with variations in each act?

 

via garibaldi, en route to chicago, lund university.

moscow, praha, wien, budapest, toledo, warsaw.

barcelona, berlin, vilnius, sochi, leeds, hong kong.

brighton, helsinki, accra, tromso, manchester, stuttgart.

new york, krakow, stockholm, kuala lumpur, volgograd.

 

you entered my head.

you entered my soul.

how the divine constellations arranged our encounters.

la grande bellezza sprinkles our bodies with stardusts,

urging us to explore each other and everything around us.

i am so grateful for them.

 

let me return the kindness.

for if it weren’t for you, my blessed journey would turn to be quite different.

 

swim within

dear friend, we meet again.

why do we always try to race against time.

this impending sense of something missing.

what is it? how can i conquer this doubt?

haven’t we learned anything at all?

 

oppressed by stale presence, one that is different from what i originally found.

but haven’t buddhist doctrines taught us anything?

dispel these illusions, everything is constantly changing.

impermanence permeates everything.

observe these rising sensations.

see how they come up and subside.

see how they crawl their way from one side to the other.

from one moment to the next, you’re already not the same person.

 

stay calm and enjoy the ride. this life is nothing but a trip.

 

*

 

the land seeks exaltation, with its chants and cries, longing for the ecstatic. but little do they know that lies and deceit have usurped the country.

or maybe they dare not to accept it.

to accept is to be cheated.

to deny is to live happily, in a world with very basic human tendencies.

 

the barren lands of the north stretch its belly down to the banana trees in the south,

we jumped over the invisible fence in its agricultural heartland.

rolling bus rides, fields after fields pass us by.

sticky fingers, mumbled words wafting in the minute space between conjoined bodies,

hawkers won’t stop till they pinch a pence out of you,

your peace of mind is ensured only by the most “OM” mindset you can muster.

 

wonder a’plenty, fear not,

generous helpings of dahl on train rides,

families squeezing like canned tuna so we fit,

friendly faces and brothers of bygone times,

arrive with bags of goodies amidst mad souls,

joyous with a tinge of sorrow behind the glistening eyes.

as if they have some secrets.

everybody has secrets.

 

right here, right now, heavy rains pour into our hearths, with all its imperfections, cuts, and falls.

soaked in horror, alleviated by those close to you,

who lend a helping hand, in your darkest moments,

of torrential anger and insecurities.

 

the sea roars fiercely against humanity,

in sync with the lava underground.

expressions without utility,

futile in all of their attempts to overcome inferiority.

lie down on the ground, refuse to play by the animal kingdom’s book,

the winds have swept us up and carried us away.

always come back to yourself.

when the tides wrung itself around your helpless body,

your screams are muffled and the skies are dark,

breaaaaathe.

 

you know who you are.

swim upwards with your soul, calm and fearless,

face these demons squarely.

love yourself.

love all of those imperfections, cuts and falls.

love. simply love.

 

*

 

tripping comes at a cost – it ain’t free –

but you can leave knowing that you’ve experienced these lessons,

and not everyone has had the same ones as you.

be kind and compassionate.

freedom lies in swimming upwards, when everyone points down.

not towards the shores, nor the moon,

but within.

 

frank part two

i am searching for my sisters and brothers.

who want to keep our eternal flame alive.

burning with passion, curiosity and a heart that is open and free.

i want to be more caring and considerate.

i want to evolve towards becoming a being that is more sensitive, empathetic and fair towards others. i want to be stronger and kinder.

 

i want to always stay true to myself and my principles.

i want to be more hardworking and devote my time to projects that i care about, people that i care about.

i want to practice self-reflection everyday, even for 5 minutes.

i want to write more, produce more, create more.

i want to strive for excellence of the body and mind.

i need to be more self-disciplined.

i need to be respectful of others and their spaces.

i want to keep exploring and learning.

 

love yourself. your mind, your perception…

always trudging along the edge.

let go of control, of fears, of all your shitty selfish self-aggravating desires. we are like water, flowing and taking form of the container we are in…

but never losing our quality and determination and perseverance to soothe, and heal.

 

brothers and sisters, join me on my quest to remind humanity of its beauty, in its imperfection and chaotic state,

that patience and light will shine the path, to fulfillment.

 

*

 

this is our own pursuit of truth.

let love and compassion drive your motives.

keep in mind, be present – be here in the now – everything exists right now.

 

in all its impossibility and possibility, we stand on the ground, that stretches over the cosmos of our hearts, let it be beautiful and wondrous.

 

stay alive.

stay fucking alive and free.

you are not entitled to anything.

the only thing you have is this moment.

so make it worthwhile.

thank you.